Okay i needed to calm the fuck down
Being a reckless and irresponsible person has led me to do alot of dumbass shit that completely ruined parts of my life, drastically changed other parts and lost plenty of people I considered friends along the way. Now you may be saying to yourself "this is just like the last one this dumb cuck wrote". Well its not the same its just kinda starting the same so calm the fuck down. But calming the fuck down is exactly what I'm hoping to get out of writing this. Loneliness can make people do really sad, strange and pathetic things they wouldnt normally do. I've experienced years of intense loneliness that mixed with drugs, low self esteem and ever growing bitch tits sometimes causes me to be a little desperate for human interaction or affection. So long story short I've been acting fucking crazy towards a person who has more or less acted completely normal with me maybe a little insensetive but thats my problem not theirs. I found myself texting, calling and thinking obsessively about them. They naturally started to pull away which thank fucking god kinda woke me up a little bit. I found that I needed a little distance to really actually appreciate the person for who they were instead of just someone who was willing to spend time with me. I realized they simply dont like me the way that I thought I liked them which is totally understandable. While this person makes me happy when im with them they were making me crazy when i wasnt because while I get super excited every time I get a text from them they obviously didnt feel the same because I realized they dont text without me texting first. I dont have many friends that I can text with so I have been trying my hardest not text them so I dont totally scare them away with my i guess affection towards them. What has been difficult to deal with is the idea that although they liked me at pretty much my lowest of points I immediately start to think that they will realize their mistake any day and that'll be the end of that. So ordinarily I would try to calm myself by either taking hella klonopin, doing a bunch of meth lines in my car in a gas station parking lot, or drinking myself into a small to mid sized coma. More often than not its all of the above. However, and I want to preface this with stating that I am trying this temporarily. I have for the moment removed meth and heroin from my life. This person that I like is super anti drug and aside from that they do somewhat inspire me to want to be a better person and actually start to make a life for myself. Now I know you're worried and saying "but david your whole blog is about drugs". While a huge bulk of my blog is about drugs I am still a hot, hot, hot fucking mess and will never ever stop fucking up my life. Also this relationship I currently have has a short shelflife because theres just too many reasons for them not to be with me and I can tell that they dont really want to be. So here I am calmed the fuck down and willing to take things as they come and hopefullfy realize I cant change the inevitable. This was a terrible article and I pity those who read it.
