Fucking up as only i can do

I fucked up…i was doing okay and going to work and sorta paying bills and casually hating life when all the sudden i found myself staying awake for 6 days on a drug and alcohol bender. Yes i was having fun and sweating literally non stop the entire time i was fucking disgusting to pretty much all five senses. I desperately needed sleep but was having too much fun or something close to fun. I called in to work for the 4th and 5th days ya know to be responsible and everything but i ran out of shitty excuses by day 6 and proceeded to go into work a sweaty, horny, tired, chubby mess. What i learned is that even if my body can still move and do sorta job functions i cannot mentally handle being at work when ive been partying for that long. Within 30 mins of arriving i was completely depressed and out of dope. I was hating the whole idea of work and needed something to ease the 8 hours of pain i was going to have to endure. Somehow alcohol found its way into my hands and i spent a good hour pounding Cocktails in a bathroom. Naturally i felt much better and thought i was good to go and ready to start work. I dont know if it was the lack of sleep, food, water, or if god just hates me but within two minutes of driving the company car i had saved the life of an imaginary deerfoxbird creature by swerving off the road and directly into a boulder. Im sure you can see where this is going. Drug test, breathalyzer, uncontrollable sobbing and shitting, oral sex offers to the boss annnd fired. Now i lose jobs all the time but unfortunately i actually liked this one. So i lost my company apartment i was getting and my health insurance. i left that day very depressed but i actually suppressed my personality enough that i convinced a few people that we should be friends so i spent the rest of the night drowning my sorrows with more drugs and alcohol with like minded individuals. I keep thinking abput sobriety and its really hard to stomach. I love drugs(not meth) and yeah i like being sober too but at the end of a long day how does the common man relax without a little something? Alcohol? Yeah thats way fucking worse it makes me fat amd dumber and everyone sees you drinking and judges you if you have too much. I dont even have a girlfriend i can beat when ive had too many (just fucking kidding calm down). Clearly meth is fucking me up but goddamn does it make me not care about how much im fucking up. I dont know what the answer iss i just know that i need to focus on being less of a complete druggy jackass and more like a functioning lover of drugs.