a new job
Starting a new job can be difficult for some. I am not one of those people. I've had tons of new jobs because i'm constantly losing my job due to either laziness, drug addiction or just plain idiocy. I've got a new job though and I like it so far. Its doing something I never ever ever thought I would do which is fix things. It should be said that I know how to fix zero things but they like me and claim that I can be trained soooo i'm going for it. This is all apart of my self described grand comeback. I just got a car and now with a job the next thing you know i'll be moving out of my fucking parents house and buying my own groceries and maybe even wiping my own ass. I look forward to it. Sometimes it gets hard to be sober and most times I just dont really try that hard. I have yet to decide if I'm gonna try to stay sober or if I'm just doing so because i'm so broke. I think that as long as I was doing everything I should and making sure I go to work and writing as much as I can and exercising regularly it would be okay for me to do a little druga occassionally. Experience tells me that I cant really balance having responsibilities and doing drugs simultaneously buuuut I really want to do them sometimes so yeah ill tell myself whatever the fuck in order to make it palateable. I've started to make some new friends and they seem pretty straight lace so thats good but friends can only support a person so much and if they dont know what a goddamn trainwreck I am is it really fair of me to even allow them to think of me as a friend. I'm not really sure how much of myself to expose to people. My default has always been to be 100 percent open and honest about my past and current struggles but that usually tends to just attract people who are in the same boat. I would be leaning on the friends I already have but being around them kinda makes me feel like a shitty bad influence when I go back to drugs. I'm unsure if that kind of relationship is unhealthy or not. Annnyway I'm confident that i'll be figuring out these difficult questions within the next few weeks. Bye for now
