I just turned 33. Ive been single for about a year now and my dick is super dry. The last woman I had sex with was a homeless schizophrenic meth head with beautiful eyes and a serious sex addiction. That was 5 fucking months ago. I am in the process of rebuilding my life so i’m temporarily a total loser with no car who lives with his parents and cleans toilets for a living. I’m not worried because I know i’ll bounce back and be on top of the world again which will probably just lead right back to depression and more drug addictions but ya never know I might not get sad this time around and I dont even have a source to get fentanyl and morphine anymore so that’s out. I might just become a goddamn senator this time. At the very least i’ll seriously consider voting for the first time in my life. Kidding of course I don’t vote cuz I just don’t care who is telling people to have abortions or pray the gay away or how much immigrants suck. I dont actually know if a president ever said to pray the gay away but even if that did work we would be overrun with gay atheists. Oh yeah sluts. So ive only had two looooong term girlfriends 12 years and 3 years and both were crazy as fuck. I have a pretty shitty self image so I tend to glob onto any crazy bitch that is willing to stomach seeing me naked. This hasn’t worked out very well because I kinda hated them both the whole time we were together but I was lazy and a pretty shitty boyfriend and I knew it so I stayed with them. I really do want an actual relationship with a sane woman whose company I actually enjoy and if she likes me too well that’s just dandy. I have not been lucky in finding a woman that is not incredibly damaged that I would want for a girlfriend. I know that i’m into crazy but I don’t wanna be anymore. So I have decided that i’m going to just hace casual sex relationships with the crazies and i’m gonna hold out for a normal yet attractive woman who is so enthralled and turned on by my hilarious blog posts and everyday sarcastic douchery that she looks past the whole chubby loser phase i’m currently in and decides that she’s not getting any younger and she should just settle because shes a divorcee with kids and a wife beater wearing ex who will call me brah or my nigga and no hes not black but he thinks if he tries hard enough maybe someday he could be. So yeah I know this post has got tons of women super wet at the mere thought of a relationship with me but please don’t fight over me unless ur both equally beautiful and ur lifestyles are comprable and without a fight I would have to make a difficult decision after suggesting a poly relationship. I’m not here to break hearts so if it’s a no to the three way u’ll have to fight. I will praise the victor with flowers and their favorite sex toys(possibly secondhand) and the loser will have to settle for a standard good looking, smart , successful guy that is great to her but he just doesn’t make her laugh the way I can and that just eats away at her everyday and she will eventually snap and cheat on him with the first comedian she sees but unfortunately it was carrot top.