A month and a half is not the longest i’ve gone without meth in the past 20 years once i went 3 months. Yes i fucked up my clean streak with a few quick lines that I now regret. When someone like myself starts drinking to get drunk no matter how much better im doing sober, no matter what standards i’ve told myself i need to uphold, i will throw it all away without a second thought just to do whatever it is at the time I want to do. Now you may be saying to yourself “yeah david you’re not special everyone is dumb when they are drunk” While that may be true I would still say that I’m not the ordinary dumb drunken jackass I take making a dildo out of myself and pissing off anyone who has the gall not to be okay with literally everything in the world on the table of what is and isnt okay to say as a joke. This brings me to my current problem. I love getting drunk but it causes me to lose friends, make people without my sense of humor uncomfortable or angry and make decisions that have lasting detrimental effects on my mental and physical well being. Over the years i’ve tried to explain away the fact that I upset people by saying if they are that sensitive then they are just not meant to be my friend. If they are unable to handle me at my worst or douchiest then their friendship just does not measure up to my standards. The latest issue i had was with a couple of acquaintances. I wouldnt call them friends really but we were friendly and occasionally associate with each other. The couple and I were smoking cigarettes in the backyard and i was very tipsy. I had been making comments telling the man that I just couldnt get enough of his ass (he had a very large hole in his pants and wasnt wearing underwear) Now this to me is very clearly a joke because for one thing although I am somewhere on a spectrum I do consider myself to be a straight male for the simple fact that I dont find men attractive. All seemed to be well at first and they laughed heartily enough at the joke BUT THEN I made the mistake of trying to give the woman a compliment(not in any way sexual i said “since you’re a brunette now it really brings out your eyes” The man promptly said “be careful david” so of course I didnt react too well to that because him telling me I had done something wrong when I so clearly(to myself) had no malicious or sexual intent was like an invitation to escalate the situation to joke status so I quickly said “Hey K(im leaving her name out) lets fuck!”. Now some of you may be thinking “well clearly you were over the line saying something like that to a girl in front of her boyfriend joke or not” and to that I say “give me a motherfucking break! The joke was that it was such an over the top thing to say that no one could possibly take it seriously. That was the whole joke. How did they not get that? I have continually asked myself over the past day. Long story short they got mad at me and said that I was making them uncomfortable and angry because of my “advances through dumbass sexual jokes” Thats not actually what they said but that was the jist. So I ask myself, am I just a fucking creep or was that hilarious and they just need a better sense of humor? Now this by far is not the first time i’ve offended someone with my jokes going “over the line” I have in the past actually lost friends due to dumb jokes because I have literally no filter when im drinking and very little filter when im sober. After thinking about it for a while I have decided that no im not a creep people who are offended by those types of jokes are the creeps because while I just mean stuff as a simple joke their mind goes somewhere dark that they then push onto me and my comment. So yeah goddamnit im not a creep im an innocent jackass who doesnt know when to shut up